Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
