So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
