He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
