i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
