on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
