I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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