I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
