Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
