Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We don't watch enough power rangers
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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