His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
