Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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