She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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