i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
