Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
