Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
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He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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