I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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