you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
