I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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