Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
