i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
