I accidentally had phone sex last night
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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