My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...