Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
