i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
