"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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