If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
