when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
