I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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