I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize