Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so let's talk penis.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
