Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
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just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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