...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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