She said her name was "party"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
