i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
