just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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