You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
