didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
