I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
