i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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