dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
