if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
