Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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