and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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