walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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