Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think your dad took our porno
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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