This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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