I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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