you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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