I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
