Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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