Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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