i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
