The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
