But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
