Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
