tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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