Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
