The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
