Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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