those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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