Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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